Thursday, November 28, 2013

Separation Anxiety

I've been wondering when it would strike. I knew it was inevitable. I've been walking around with a goofy grin this whole time, feeling a bit emotionally distant from those around me that have already begun to express emotions of separation anxiety as we prepare for our trip. But you see, I'm really that girl at the airport that you pretend not to look as she sports the incredibly ugly cry, I mean snotty face, mouth full of saliva ugly cry as she clutches her loved ones and stellar luggage (see post below).  Of course this scene usually takes place at that awful security check point where you must separate from those not boarding the plane with you. Ugh, most of my airport memories of this particular area are in major slow-mo (yes, very traumatic times).

So this separation anxiety usually hits pretty conveniently for me (separation anxiety is perfect right before boarding a plane because the soon to be had fear of dying on the plane usually trumps and  takes care of it quite well.)

So anyway Matt and I leave next week for six months to Ecuador and today we were driving to Massachusetts for some last minute family time.  I'm doing my makeup in the visor mirror when I feel the reality of the situation hitting me.  Yes I'm leaving on this awesome adventure, but I'm also choosing a path that will strand me from my comfort zone, my unconditionally loved zone, my family. Tears came at so not a good time because, well my concealer, and secondly, this is way too soon.  Once these floodgates open I'm not sure if they will stop.  How in the world will I get through Black Friday shopping if I'm slipping on all of my tears?! 

Crisis somehow averted, I swallowed those tears back before they hit cheek.  But I was on high alert now.  I have entered the anxiety separation emotional zone a little sooner than expected. 

I am completely aware that this may sound dramatic.  Six months is not really that long. But well, sometimes it seems like a very long time especially when I contemplate the notion that I may have chosen a path that has a life of its own.  I have started this "relationship" with need greater work that, who knows, may capture my heart and leave me madly in love and situated indefinitely away from my family.

More than anything, what I feel is my heart bursting with love for them.  They have been so supportive of this dream and so unselfish.  I'm not sure if they will truly ever understand just how much their support has fueled my courage and confidence to leave them for a little while.  If I am happy, then they are happy for me. Period. So I guess that kind of love is worth ruining your makeup for.  

Separation anxiety, here I come.

1 comment:

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