Some people close their eyes and drift off to a far away place as soon as they shut the lights to go to bed (like my husband) and others daydream about that day, what could've been, or said, or the anxieties of tomorrow. I fall into the latter category and have to pray often about letting things go and leaving tomorrows anxieties with Jehovah.
As you all know, we are in the throws of planning a major trip to Ecuador. We get asked all the time, "so you have a place?" "Where you gonna stay?" I cringe a little inside as I wait for the reactions I get when we reply "nope, we're gonna figure that all out when we get there..isn't that exciting?" The truth is, there are bubbles of "exciting" in a glass full of anxiety when doing things this way. It's not panicky anxiety but a subtle under current that, if I'm not careful, can grab by the ankles and yank you from your oxygen source. Thank goodness for a father like Jehovah. This trip is truly teaching me to rely on Him. These are my current "top thoughts" that occupy me before I drift off to sleep:
1.) can we REALLY find an apartment under $300?
2.) can we really find a FURNISHED apartment under $300?
3.) can I coexist with creepy things like spiders, big ones, and possibly disease carrying Mosquitos? (Those of you who have heard my story of how a jumping black spider almost single handedly (er, well eight leggedly) prevented me from making it to my special assembly day, will probably be wondering this same exact thing..am I right??)
4.) should we BUILD all our furniture, possibly from pallets like all those creative people on Pinterest do?
5.) do ecuadorians use pallets?
6.) what happens if we absolutely love it, love it so much that we want to stay and only come back once a year? Could I survive away from my family? Would they forgive me for leaving and missing important life moments (lots of thoughts, #6! Calm down!)
7.) what if I find out I'm accidentally pregnant RIGHT before our plane leaves, do we cancel the trip? Or travel the jungle with a cute baby bump while drinking coconut water straight from a coconut that I cracked open with my bare hands! Ok ok, just kidding...er sort of.
But what if what if what if!!!
Matt is so so right for me. He can see the racing thoughts behind my eyes before I even have time to say, "baby, are you worried about...?" He'll pull me close and say, "look how far we've got, Jehovah isn't going to abandon us now, c'mon what do you want to pray about?" Ahh. And I sigh it out. Pray it away and leave it with Jehovah. Who knows, maybe he's already smiling about that awesome coffee table we'll make from pallets we found for free.